Biggest Loser.

If I haven't told you already, I'm deep into a season of loss. This year I've lost more than I can express. There are just those years in everyone's life where God takes everything away... everything. You walk alone and everyday is more painful than the previous.

The first thing I lost was my sense of life mission. For years I've wanted to be an overseas missionary. Through special ways, God has revealed to me that's not exactly what He has in mind for me. That has been crushing to accept.

The next thing that happened is that I lost two siblings at once. My sister married and moved away and my brother graduated college and moved to Mississippi. The loneliness I've experienced because of that is piercing.

My uncle passed way. My grandpa left us. Just when I thought nothing could get worse, I had to face something I never expected. My closest friends changed so fast that one by one they moved on to different stages of life.


Do you know what it's like to have a best friend? Do you know what it's like to love someone more than you could every express? To lose that person is to lose so much of yourself. The grief that consumes you is enough to take over your whole life.


But, this is not the end. Do you know how many times I say that to myself every day?
T h i s  n o t  t h e  e n d.
I want it to be the end because I cannot grasp this loss. I cannot overcome this mountain that is everything I have lost this year.

Believe it or not, there is a purpose for all of this...


What is the purpose of this season of loss? 

The purpose is two-fold:

First, God is drawing back to him. For the past three years, I have been in love with all the blessings God has given me. I swore I would never go back to the loneliness I had experienced for so many years. Yet, here I am.

It is as if God is reminding me that He is my first love.

The second purpose is to show me Just how much I loved those things I've now lost.


We never know what we've got until it's gone. I know what I had... because now it's gone.


The funny thing is that instead of being sad and regretful, I've fallen even more in love with what I once had. 


I would give anything to have my friendships back. I would give anything to be back a Credo, laughing like old times. 


There isn't much I wouldn't do just for one chance to love the things I used to love.