Wednesday, November 30, 2011

My World

This was really cool. 
I took a picture out of the window at the houses
across the street one night.
The evening was beautiful... it certainly didn't 
remind me of a winter night.
It was warm and smelled sweet.


The morning after was just as glorious. 
I took the same picture again.
It was a same temperature outside that
it had been the previous night.
But, something was different... 


Maybe it was the golden sunlight
or the warm, gentle breeze. 


Blue Bird House.


Happy Flapper:)






Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Stories With Andrea

So, I thought that once we've rapped up our story, we'd have a nice critique session going over the whole experience.

The obvious things to cover are what we liked about it, what we didn't like, and what we would change.

Anything else to add?

Day Nine!!!! Almost Done:)


From Andrea:

The bird alighted upon his windowsill.

     "The answer to the widdo," cried Glancelot. "But wah doeth it mean? And be off with you!" The servant bowed out.

     Glancelot turned to the space where the Labrador had been and stared thoughtfully at it, as though it held the answers he sought. 

     "A bird," he said again. "Ith thith the message from my dear Muvvah?"

     And it hit him. The key to the curse was held in this riddle. Birds... what was it the Labrador has said before cursing him? Something about food, a world of food...

     "But wah doeth food have to do with birds?" he wailed.



Continued:

"Oh, Witto bird," said poor Glancelot in dismay. "Is dere anything such a smwall fing could do for my poor dejected self?"

The tiny bird jumped up and began buzzing excitedly around the room. It hovered close to Glancelot's mouth   confusing him for more than a moment. Hesitantly, Glancelot opened his mouth and the tiny creature flew into his mouth and, grasping the wedged bone with it's tiny jaws, plucked the bone free. A delightful sensation beyond anything he had ever experienced flooded Glancelot's mouth as his tongue loosed, his lips tightened, and his jaw began to work once again!

From My Journal Tonight.

Just as there was no reason why we should have been friends to begin with, so there is no reason now why we shouldn't go on being friends.

Monday, November 28, 2011

Day Seven

From Andrea:
"I must find a way to bweak thith dwead cuwse!" he continued meditatively. 
     
     The very faint sound of stifled giggles burst from outside his chamber door. He glared severely at the door, wishing intensely to throw some verbal abuse at the unseen mocker. Glancelot turned again toward the mirror, probing at the splinter of bone with his tongue. 


     "Ow, Muvvah!" he wailed desparingly (but softly), "if onwy your spiwit would guide me again!" 


     "You could say please," said a familiar bass voice. 


     "You!" shouted Glancelot. 


     The ghostly dog nodded. 


     "Perhapth," Glancelot continued, remembering his manners, "you have a message fwom my Muvvah that will help me?" 


     "I might."
Continued:

"First," demanded the ghostly dog, "Answer me this:

"I am the tiniest bomb, ticking 1200 beats
before dropping the weight of a penny
on some unsuspecting intruder
to my territory.  

Who am I?"

Those words were already nothing more than ghostly echos as the Labrador vanished back into thin air. 

"A Widdo!" cried Glancelot. "Just wah I needed! A widdo!" 

 Glancelot sat down gloomily on the edge of his bathtub until the servant finally arrived with the bath salts. As the door opened, a tiny object shot through opening, knocking the servant aside. 

"A bird!" said Glancelot. "The tiniest bird!" 


Two Songs

Two songs for tonight.


Even when my heart's breakes, and everything's shaken....
You won't let me go!


PARPARAPARADISE

They have nothing to do with each other, but, hey!


Sunday, November 27, 2011

New Look.

So I got sick and tired of my blog background. It was supposed to be themed after the story that Andrea and I are writing. I hated the red and the fluer-de-lise so much I was about to throw up. I'm not so sure about this new look, though. I can't seem to settle on what I want.

Saturday, November 26, 2011

The Simple Joys of Life.


A snake brings joy to my baby sister:)




Taters...ready to boil. 


Christmas Cheer!




Day Five

I'm in so much trouble....

I'm two days late already! Sorry Andrea:(

From Andrea:


Glancelot's shock gave way to sheer panic as a most inexplicable sensation overtook him. His mouth suddenly became filled with a substance which was by no means familiar: something like an eel and something like raw pie crust and altogether a hideous feeling indeed. Glancelot gasped, the full weight of this sepulchral visitor's words hitting him... Putty... Tongue... Curse. No taste! No speech! No taste!!

     "My mother?" he choked incoherently. "She sent you here to curse me? How could she do this?"

     “Were I you,” barked the Labrador, “I’d worry less about my mother’s sense of humor and more about how to break the curse.”

Continued:


Glancelot gazed dejected into the mirror the next morning.
"Wediquwas!" he blubbered. The inside of his mouth looked no different than anyone else's except for a small splinter of bone that was wedged between his back molars. He picked at it, trying desperately to get it out.
Useless. Not only was the previous night's party a terrible disaster in which he was brutally laughed at, his own servants were sneering at him behind closed doors. His own dear Gwen was no doubt spreading the rumor among her close maids. 
"Enoufwpt!" cried Glancelot. "Thith thall not go on for anover moment!" 


Thursday, November 24, 2011

Thankful

Oh give thanks to the LORD, for he is good;
for his steadfast love endures forever!
Let Israel say,
“His steadfast love endures forever.”
Let the house of Aaron say,
“His steadfast love endures forever.”
Let those who fear the LORD say,
“His steadfast love endures forever.”
Out of my distress I called on the LORD;
the LORD answered me and set me free.
The LORD is on my side; I will not fear.

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Trouble With Adults

This is for every kid who is confronted with that age-old question that every grown up asks (especially as they get closer and closer to the end of childhood and the beginning of adulthood) and can give no other answer besides a short pause and a long, Uuuhhh...

I've been there.


So, Tina! What are you going to do after high school? Where are you going to college? Do you have your license yet? When do you turn eighteen? Any boyfriends? Who are you going to be? What are you going to do????

Ahk!!!! STOP IT!

I DON'T KNOW!!!!!!!!

Alone.





I drove home tonight

                                Alone.

I walked into a quiet, sleeping house.

I picked up the cold dinner they left for me and heated it

                                Alone.

I ate it, standing up in the kitchen

                                Alone.

It wasn't as painful as it used to be at first. I'm starting to get used to is. I don't think I'll ever be okay with being alone. I don't think the pain gets any better.

I think that most of our lives we will spend alone.

I came to that realization this year.

I stand before God         Alone.

He judges me                               alone.

The people and the things that I love

         will all be taken away from me one day.

On that day, I will die and take nothing with me.

It should not come as a surprise to me that I am sitting here typing these words and I am alone in the house that I call home.

I'm not talking to anyone.

I'm just being ALONE.

(P.S. Have you read this book, "My Many Colored Days" by Dr. Suess? I love that book so much. It is one of my all time favorites. It is a comfort to me when I am confused, but mostly when I am lonely.)

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Day Three:)

From Andrea:


Glancelot was appalled. "Why," he demanded, "is there a bone in my sandwich?"
     He didn't expect anyone to reply. People were generally too afraid to talk to him when he was angry. So he was shocked when he heard a gloomy bass voice say, "That would be mine."
     More surprising than the voice was the fact that it came from thin air. But no, Glancelot realized when he looked closer, not thin air. It was little more than a slight, gaseous discoloration at first, but the longer he stared at it, the more solid it became. And at last it assumed definite, if rather smoky, form. It was a wraithlike beast. A ghostly dog.

Continued:

“Is this what your mother would have?!” demanded the ghostly dog. “Here you sit with a world of food to explore, yet what do you do? You refuse to eat anything but PEANUT BUTTER AND JELLY SANDWHICHES!” I’m not sure how much of this Glancelot was retaining. The utter shock and surprise of have one’s meal interrupted by an ethereal Labrador robbed him of any faculty of recollection.

“How many times did your mother try to convince you that there is more out there than this peasant’s snack? On your mother’s grave, a curse to you- a Putty Tongue curse!” 

Sunday, November 20, 2011

Day One


"Sir Glancelot sat at round table with a plethora of admirers, a goblet of wine, and a peanut butter and  jelly sandwich cut into four triangles. (That's the way that Glancelot liked his sandwiches. He detested having his sandwich cut into squares. His mother had cut them that ways when he was young and he had never forgiven her for it.)


Glancelot had just selected the second triangle from the top (clockwise) and was taking his first, long expected bite when the unthinkable happened. Instead of sinking his glistening pearls into that delectable treat, Glancelot found himself crunching hard bone." 

It's Story Time!


So Andrea and I decided that we should do a story together. Basically, I start by writing the first hundred words of the story and posting it on my blog. The next day, she reads my post and writes the next hundred words as soon as she can. It's supposed to be spontaneous. We will do this for ten days and see where our story leads... The real challenge is to find a conclusion in all this madness. (That's going to be Andrea's job- Good luck!)

I'm also temporarily changing my wallpaper to fit the theme- Knights! Be sure to check out Andrea's theme, though... I think it's ghosts! She might even be persuaded to change her wallpaper too- we'll see:D


With that out of the way, here goes the first part:



Saturday, November 19, 2011

Expectations are premature disappointments. 

Friday, November 18, 2011

Secret Meadows and Sweet Messages.


I was at school today, waiting for Mom to pick me up. I love my school. It's located in my favorite place in the whole world... downtown Littleton. I love downtown Littleton. I fell in love with it three years ago and I've never grown out of it. 

Of all the things I love about downtown Littleton, the thing I love the most are the secret, hidden places under the roads. Okay, so all over Littleton are these gullies and streams. Whenever the road crosses over a stream, a secret wonderland is formed. Paths and walkways run under the roads as well and wherever the two cross, you get these really cool tunnels. So, imagine you're walking along the road and you come to a bridge. Lean over the side of the hand railing and look down into a secret meadow below ground level, filled with golden sunlight.


Food for Thought

I was doing some blog browsing and found an interesting quote from Alex Flores


"There comes a point in ones life where you hit rick bottom it may be financially, emotionally, or totally. But there also comes a time in everyone's life where you hit a moral rick bottom where you find out what you are truly made of and what are you true weaknesses. But the focus isn't on the fall but that we learn to get back up and what you become after hitting rock bottom. To all who have hit, are there or haven't and will hit rock bottom, stand strong and be who you were made to be. Live today for the sake of tomorrow, never give up, never give in, and never say die!"


Food for thought:)

Thursday, November 17, 2011

It's always the right time to be yourself.

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

From My Journal Tonight....


"I told myself that a kind and generous man sat in this chair and spoke from his heart the words that woke me every morning. But all I heard was the voice of an awkward girl who never felt comfortable in her own skin."     

Monday, November 14, 2011

Walking in Cement Boots.

I have to laugh at myself at least once every day. My young life pretty much consists, right now, of...

Learning how to park a car


Putting the keys in the SAME PLACE every time so I don't LOSE them


Struggling to get the words in my head out of my mouth in a sensible fashion.


Remembering to put my name on quizzes... so I don't get marked off!!

Saying all the wrong things.

Walking in Cement Boots. 


And, frankly, just being a kid. The toughest thing for me to do right now, and I'm not even sure why this is, is simply to relax and enjoy all of this foolishness the way I should. 


I wish I could enjoy my life now, but I think too hard and too much about it. I'm too worried I'll lose something...what? What do I have to lose? 


Everything it seems.... everything and nothing. I was wondering about what it means to have something. I was thinking about all the things I have and realizing that I don't really have much.


All the things I thought I had I don't really have at all. What I thought I lost I never even had to begin with.


That pretty much sums up friendship. If I understand friendship, I know that it is spontaneous. You cannot ask for it, even if you want it more than anything else in the world. You cannot control it. And, when it is ready to leave, you cannot keep it from going.


There is only one thing that you can do. You can take what you've been given for a short while, love that, and let it go when the time is right. 


Only then can you really relax and enjoy what you have. I'm afraid I've been so worried that I'm going to lose what I have that I haven't spent any time enjoying it.


That's a shame, really.   



Friday, November 11, 2011

The Night Has Passed


Awake the morning with my tears
Forgot why I was crying
Stumble, throw the shades apart
See! The sun is rising!

Remember something dark
…….and distant
A struggle in the night.
Evil laughter, faceless voice
A solitary fight.

Locked in mortal battle
My enemy and I
He swore the dark shall overcome
I held on to my hope.

As sunlight floods my bedroom
All this I recall
Paling before a golden sun
The night has passed away. 

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

No. 2

Awake at midnight
Feel the darkness around me
Creak, bang! the back gate

NEED BLOG HELP!!

So, I hoped you've been snooping around the blog a little and you've checked out my Projects page. Here's where I need a little help from my blogger buddies! On this page, I want to have individual post about the different projects I'm doing. Somebody told me that I can tag a post in such a way that it only shows up on a special page. Is that true??

Another dilemma... I want to have special pages with my short stories on it. Under the pages section when I'm editing, however, I have to choose ALL pages being hidden or ALL showing up as tags. SO, how do I create a special page that I can link separate from my other pages that show up as tabs?

I would appreciate the help;)

Sunday, November 6, 2011

I Failed This Time.

So I've been going through old diaries and compiling a notebook of my high school years. There's a lot for me to go through in my life. Frankly, I just want to forget that whole time. When it was really good, it was really, really good. When it was bad, though, I would lose all hope. I don't like going through my past like that. It goes against my grain.

However, there are certain things that if you don't deal with them right away, it will screw you up for years and years- maybe the rest of you life. For me, it's my anger. I've pretty much come to the point in my life that I cannot move on until I've dealt with my anger. There are things that I wanted- things I had my heart set on and they were ripped right out of my grasp. When I want something that's really, really good and I don't get it, I just stew on it forever.

That pretty much sums up my diaries. What I wanted. How bad I wanted it. How much it hurts that I don't get it.

I feel like a grape between the pavement and God's thumb.


God has this incredible way of squashing my dreams.

He also has this incredible way of showing me for who I really am.


Reading my diaries forces me to look at myself. It forces me to see the mighty hand of God in my life. Those diaries are just a long and selfish complaint against God. He gives me good things, and I covet them. He takes those good things away and I lash out at him.


I have so far to go still.

I Failed This Time. This Time..... I Failed.


God has broken my pride. I've told you before and I'll say it again. I've lost so much this year. Really, I had my life all worked out. All my friends were right where I wanted them to be. I had the next ten years of my life all mapped out.

Then, guess what? God slammed the door in my face.

It not about you, Tina. It's not about you and your amazing ministry. Your gifts are just that- gifts. They can be taken away as easily as they are given.

I have failed as a friend, as a sister, and a daughter. My life is all twisted in knots sometimes. Honestly, I don't know what's around the next corner. I'm just going to school and doing my time. One foot in front of the other. That's the way it goes.

Failing is a human thing. Rome wasn't built in a day. Edison took years to see the light. For every person that has summited Mount Everest, I'm sure there are two that have failed.

Right now, I just feel so human. I feel really, really human and really, really young. I feel so young. I feel like I have so many years to go. I feel so finite. And God feels really infinite right now.

I don't know how else to describe this. Success and failure... what do they have anything to do with eternal things? These are waves on our graph of the progression of redemption. Everyone fails sometimes. In the end, we will look back and see what exactly was the purpose for all of these failures.

Failing helps me remember I'm human. It humbles me and brings me back to what really matters in my life.

I won't always fail. Sometimes I will succeed. But, the little things I succeed at in this life are not where everything ends.

What if.... instead of failing I had succeeded?


What does that profit me? What I have now is a sobering lesson in the realities of life. What I have gained from failing I never would have learned by succeeding:

1. I'm Human.


2. This is not where life ends.


3. It's not about me.



Spaced Out! :D

A super nerdy video for my spaced out blog!


Isn't it amazing what we humans have been able to do? Don't you think MER almost has his own personality? My favorite parts are when the big balloon thing drops out of the air and start bouncing around in the ground. I also like it when the arm comes out and start buzzing up the rock face. So. Awesome.


Saturday, November 5, 2011

Zero Negative Space

For the thousandth time my friend walked up to me and started complaining about me not having a Facebook. "Tina, why don't you have a fb??!!" I started the usual response by listing all the evils of the internet, but that left me so unsatisfied. My reasons for not having a fb have always been, up to this point, because my parents said no. There have been many times where I complained to them about being deprived of an internet social life. But, I really saw the wisdom in what they said. Not having a fb has left me free of so much misery that I see in other friends. This is not true of every person, but I know that for some people fb has left them tied in knots emotionally. I would love to go into a discussion about that, but not right now.

First, I want to think through exactly why I don't have a fb. I have thought and thought about it until it hit me this morning. The question is,

"What does fb have to offer me that I don't already have?"

Well, nothing at the moment. I have a fine social strata, a phone that I text on all the time, a blog, an email, ect...

The honest reason I don't have a fb is that I don't need one. For me, if I don't need it I don't have it. I mean, I intentionally cut it out of my life. In order to better explain this, I need to dig a little deeper into a different discussion. Believe it or not, it's a discussion of negative and positive space.


Thursday, November 3, 2011

Head Love and Heart Love

There are lots of different kinds of love. I figured that out.

Easy love and hard love.

Fast love and slow love.

New love and old love.

Cheap love and precious love.

Heart love and head love.


And sometimes, very, very rarely those two loves are deeply and mysteriously intertwined to create the very best kind of love- head-heart love.

That kind of love is the deepest and the rarest, and so hard to find these days.

I found that love.



Wednesday, November 2, 2011

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

Biggest Loser.

If I haven't told you already, I'm deep into a season of loss. This year I've lost more than I can express. There are just those years in everyone's life where God takes everything away... everything. You walk alone and everyday is more painful than the previous.

The first thing I lost was my sense of life mission. For years I've wanted to be an overseas missionary. Through special ways, God has revealed to me that's not exactly what He has in mind for me. That has been crushing to accept.

The next thing that happened is that I lost two siblings at once. My sister married and moved away and my brother graduated college and moved to Mississippi. The loneliness I've experienced because of that is piercing.

My uncle passed way. My grandpa left us. Just when I thought nothing could get worse, I had to face something I never expected. My closest friends changed so fast that one by one they moved on to different stages of life.


Do you know what it's like to have a best friend? Do you know what it's like to love someone more than you could every express? To lose that person is to lose so much of yourself. The grief that consumes you is enough to take over your whole life.